Chronicles of a Mad Man

2008-09-16T11:32:00.000-07:00

Burger King "Have It My Way" Campaign Rejected

I just heard from a close friend of mine that Burger King recently put a stop to the "Have It My Way" campaign. Go to "Have it my way" to read more about it.

I am very familiar with BK's recent and might I ad, quite successful, advertising campaign. The viral videos, commercials, and other impressive ads have obviously shot CP+B into the spotlight as well as BK, but they are missing something.

I think Have it my way is the solution.

No other fast food joint has the capability to do this. I mean, technically you can order a burger any way you want, but being able to customize it at home, give it to your friends, name it, and even have the chance to get your sandwich on the BK menu is a bold and fresh move.

I think they should do. Wake up BK. How can I have it my way if I can't even have it...well...my way

2008-08-19T12:34:00.000-07:00

Utah Wolf Productions

My mainstays at the Ad-Lab introduced me to the wonderful world of Wold Productions yesterday.

Please go to Wolf Productions to see what has revolutionized the world of film. And not to mention website design.

I would suggest looking at "The Night", "Shikito" and "Ride on a Meteorite." For an up and coming look of what the world of super heroes will look like, please see "The Gifted Ones."

It's amazing what you can do with a camera, a Meg Ryan wig, trench coats, a blue screen and not to mention a few blue and pink wigs.

2008-08-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

Can't We All Just Get Along?

For those of you wondering, the meaning of my blog actually refers to my experiences in the advertising world. Hence the term "Mad Man." This is a play from the TV show Mad Men; a show about an advertising agency.

Why are they called mad men? I don't know. Maybe somebody in the copyrighting department slipped up and instead of "Ad Men" they got an extra M in there. Then they thought, "Well, that sounds pretty cool, we'll just leave it." Then the other guy was probably like, "Well it doesn't make any sense! People are going to be so confused!" Then they fired that guy and hired someone who didn't complain as much, because jeez, all that other guy did was complain.

Anyways, because this blog is supposed to be my stories from the advertising industry, I figured I'd share something with you that I learned today.

It seems that every time there is a problem at work, between the boss and the employees or vice versa, I end up being the one everyone comes to to talk about it. I don't understand why this is, and I don't mind it too much. The only problem I have is the fact that talking about it doesn't change the problem.

People have become so unconfrontational these days. In this era of email, text messaging, Facebook, etc., people are becoming more and more disconnected from healthy human interaction. When someone has a problem with something someone has done or said, we should have the courage to express ourselves to them.

Harboring these feelings is not healthy. I think it would be a valuable skill for everyone to learn to communicate with others, and not avoid but learn to deal effectively with, confrontation.

Sure it makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable. I understand it is hard and no one likes to do it.

Well, you be the exception. Learn to do it and do it well. A good resource that I think should be required reading for every human being on planet earth (and maybe extra-terrestials, I'm just not sure at this point) is How to Win Friends and Influence People. The title for this book is a little misleading. It gives the impression that it will teach you how to manipulate.

Actually this book should be called How to Get People to Like You, and How Not to Be Annoying. The book is relatively cheap, so get it.

2008-08-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

LIES I'VE TOLD MY 3 YEAR-OLD RECENTLY

Here is a funny post I saw from this site here.
I hope that I never have to lie to my kids, but if I ever do, here are some good ones:

Trees talk to each other at night.

All fish are named either Lorna or Jack.

Before your eyeballs fall out from watching too much TV, they get very loose.

Tiny bears live in drain pipes.

If you are very very quiet you can hear the clouds rub against the sky.

The moon and the sun had a fight a long time ago.

Everyone knows at least one secret language.

When nobody is looking, I can fly.

We are all held together by invisible threads.

Books get lonely too.

Sadness can be eaten.

I will always be there.

2008-08-06T20:45:00.000-07:00

words: Of Montreal: Will You Let Me Into Your Dream
robertson: Helvetica
Stache by Krall

2008-08-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

words: Poison the Well: Artists Rendering of Me
Krall: Blue Type Highway
Stache by Krall

2008-08-06T09:32:00.000-07:00

words: The Muse: Time is Running Out
Brothers: Blue Type Highway
Stache by Krall

2008-08-05T18:18:00.000-07:00

words: Copeland: Love Affair
Krall: Blue Type Highway
Stache by Krall

2008-08-04T15:10:00.000-07:00

Tubing the Mighty Provo River

I went tubing down the Provo river on Saturday. I know what your thinking: The mighty Provo River?! How can one man handle such a rushing and awesome force such as the Mighty Provo??!

Yes, well, I did. And I almost died. You see, tubing is just not as much fun if you have a tube that capsizes every 40 ft (or knots should I say). So, finally, after making it through the "Raging Bridge of Death", hanging halfway off the tube and getting cut up from the jagged rocks, I gave up. I laid there on the tube in agonizing pain from the cuts and bruises on my feet and side and let the Mighty Provo unleash its fury upon me.

A lay there, floating to the left towards a bundle of jagged, sharpened sticks, unable to move. I lifted mine eyes towards towards the wooden daggers and heard the beautiful sound of that horrific inner tube (if one could even call it that, it was more like a beach ball) releasing all its air, and go flat. I sunk an entire two inches to the bottom of the river, relieved that I didn't have to suffer anymore.

I exited the river with a friend and we walked on the highway as cars barreled straight towards us at speeds upwards of what seemed like 100+ mph.

Finally we made it back, thanks to the kindness of some strangers in a truck.

I ended up with a scar on my foot that looks just like the lightning bolt on Harry Potter's head. I know this cannot be a coincidence!

Will I float the Mighty Provo again? We will see.

If I do, this time I'll go with dressed in chain mail in blow up bubble with padding and a TV with some soda.

2008-04-17T13:17:00.001-07:00

Nothing, Really

I really can't think of anything to say today other than I met someone cool and her name is...you'll never know, good reader. Reader you ask? Yes. But who reads your blog, you say? Answer: no one. I'll try to think of something funny to say later I just wanted to update this because I haven't in a long time.

Until then reader...

2008-03-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

The Fraudulent Email

I recently received a fraudulent email from someone claiming to want to buy my laptop. Here is there inquiry and my response.

Enjoy :)

Grant smiths:

Hello I'm Grant smiths, I hail from Canada in ottawa city, I came across your advert and am highly interested in Purchasing your ($1,000 - Dell Latitude 1GB RAM 80GB 7200 RPM Drive 8X DVD /-RW) which you offer for sale.I Due to the fact that its been a long time have been searching for it, Please Kindly get back to me as soon as possible with the necessary answers to the question in mind, Are you the first owner? The present condition? Your final asking price?And I will also like you to send me Pictures to enable me view what I intend to purchase and i will like you to know that my form of payment is through a Certified Check or a USPS Money Order .. I await your urgent response so that we can proceed further.

Regards
Grant

Aaron Krall

Today at 9:47am

Hello. The necessary answers are to follow. The first owner was Abraham Lincoln and he only was using it 4 years. Passed it down he was doing for many years until me the present owner. The present condition is superior quality. This is very wonderful condition for using. My final asking price is going to have to ask you to pay $30,000 for it is gold plated and made of the finest quality Egyptian wood and materials that are of superb quality. The keyboard, yes, is made of solid gold and the letters, yes, are made of diamond studded italian made. I will be so kind to send you pictures yes that would be nice for to do for enabling. My form of payment that is accepting via bags of rhinestones sent through carrier pigeons or 4 white stallions or black palominos with Russian princesses sitting atop. This is the fewest amounts that are accepting by me. I am waiting for a courteous and prompt response by you sooner for returning purposes.

2007-12-21T19:51:00.000-08:00

How to Be A Successful Blogger: A Study

I have once again decided to comment on Blogging. I do hope that my readers (my sister, and maybe Jamie, the only ones who read my blog) that they are not tired of my insatiable fascination with the world of blogging.

There is just so much interesting things to say about it!

For instance, what drives a person to sit down and write about themselves, and their views certain particular topics? Does anyone really care?

The answer is a resounding: yes! (punctuation correct here? Jamie help me out.)

Why? Well, for one thing I can go to my friends blog and hear all about their life without ever actually talking to them!

How convenient! No awkward questions, no probing for the details of ones day. All you do is read. Even if we are all deaf and dumb we would know just as much if not more than we do now about each others lives.

But there is a relaxing effect to blogging. It allows one to express oneself to the world without anyone ever seeing it. Just releasing your thoughts into cyberspace that the hope that someone reads it.

However, there are some bloggers who not only get read, they become famous. I do not intend on becoming famous nor do I expect to have more than 5 people even know that I have a blog.

So, after some thinking I have arrived at some necessary attributes to be a successful blogger. And what do I mean by successful you ask?

I have no idea.

1. A successful blogger must write as to seem way more intelligent than he is in real life. So ridiculously intelligent that after the reader is finished with the blog he wonders why this person isn't writing novels or trying out for Jeopardy.

He must use words like: "insatiable", "morbid", "finical", and "incipient". If you talk to one of these bloggers in real life you will see that they are quiet, reserved and quite hobbity. :)

In addition to writing like Thomas Jefferson, the blogger must reference things so obscure in their blog that no normal person would know. This includes, surnames and cabalistic facts that a not even handful of people on earth know.

This would include the Godhead and perhaps Chuck Norris.

2. A successful blogger must make at least 7 posts a day about things so insignificant that even the blogger himself finds them painfully difficult to write about, let alone be interested in. This includes random pieces of news, insignificant events in one's life and so forth. I have included an example below.

Need a new pair of shoes

I was watching Forrest Gump and there is a line that stuck out at me like a sore thumb. "Mama said that sometimes you just have to put the past behind you. I think that's why I was running."I think that was part of the reason I ran a few years ago. I need to start running again.

Just in case your wondering this is a real blog.

As of now I don't have anymore characteristics of a blogger but I'm sure there are more.

This will most likely be my last satire on the blogging lifestyle. I have moved on to bigger and better things. Actually I've just run out of funny things to say about it. :)

2007-12-19T20:35:00.000-08:00

Have a Merry, Merry Brandybuck Christmas!

So, a few days ago someone asked me if I knew that I looked like a Hobbit.

"Yes," I said. "And thank you! Thank you so much for your uplifting and confidence building words! May you spread such cheery and Christ-like love to with all those whom you associate with!"

But this wasn't the first time this happened. It has happened lots of times. Mostly by girls.

So, to settle this once and for all I have prepared a short experiment:

May the reader decide for himself. Those of you who think I look like a Hobbit please make yourself known by responding to this post.

Please leave your name, phone number, physical address, (P.O. boxes not acceptable), times you're at home (alone).....

OK, so people tell me that it's not so bad to look like a hobbit, or in other words Dominic Monaghan, also known from the hit TV show Lost.

They tell me he is handsome and that it's some sort of compliment.

I refer you to the photo above.

Well, maybe it's not so bad to look like a Hobbit. I guess what that means is that I don't have to worry about a Halloween costume for the next 70 years.

Also, uhhhh....that's it. I really can't think of any other reasons. I don't really mind though. I really don't.

Really.

OK, I do.

If you see me on the street be careful about what you say.

I might throw my little hobbitty body at you.

;)

2007-12-18T18:19:00.000-08:00

Chronicles of a Wrecking Yard

So I went to the wrecking yard today to get some parts for my car. My front passenger turn single was ripped of in a disastrous turn maneuver near my home. I also needed some minor cables that could only be purchased at a wrecking yard.

So, I found one in Orem called Duane's Auto Wrecking.

I have never been to a wrecking yard before but my expectations were all but surpassed as I ventured into a dungy, grease ridden manor with the customer service from hell.

OK, OK it wasn't that bad. I'm a guy, so I was drawn in by its filthiness and horrible customer service.

I went up to the desk and spoke to a Charlie. It was like pulling teeth to get someone to talk me. After my experience, I have written a short introduction that every associate in a wrecking yard and memorize and use to greet customers:

"Hi! Welcome to our Rat Infested Hole, where we sell parts of cars bashed beyond recognition, stored in no particular order, in our ridiculously large lot behind our office.

We won't help you find what you need. In fact we really don't care if you find what your looking for at all! All we care about is that we get through this day without having a heart attack or losing our mind.

If you need anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to get it yourself. Oh, and good luck asking one of us a question, cause we only respond if you speak in a mountain-man voice with a frown.

We also enjoy confusing you. If you think you know cars, keep in mind we know more than you. So we will gauge your car knowledge and then speak to you one level higher than you can understand as to make you feel like a shmutz.

Please take note that we don't wear name tags or names on jackets. This is so you cannot call back and complain about a specific person.

Duane's Auto Wrecking. the happiest place on earth. (Also a great place for a date!)

2007-12-14T10:28:00.000-08:00

Richard Dutcher and the Evil Eye

Now that I have started a blog, I feel strangely important. For instance, right now I am sitting in a quaint little cafe in the town of Bordeaux with a cup of hot chocolate and a muffin. The sweet aroma of coffee and French pastries fills the air as I divulge my deepest and darkest secrets to no one. That's right, no one reads my blog.

And I'm not in Bordeaux. I don't even now how to say that. Not only that I'm not even in a cafe. I'm at Zupas. In Provo.

And I'm by myself.

So now that the secret is out, I still feel strangely important. That is the power of the blog.

My mom sent me a delightful video yesterday, please enjoy:

Let the poor kid eat his ice cream for Pete's sake!

I have a question. How the heck did they teach this kid to do this? How did they discover this fantastic talent?

He'll be walking down the street at 34 years old and someone will see him and say "Give me the evil look!" and he'll stop what he's doing, turn and give that look and then keep on walking.

I met Richard Dutcher yesterday. For those of you who may not know who that is, (OK so that would be everyone) he is the director of God's Army and States of Grace (God's Army II). My agency is doing the website for the new movie Fallen.

When I walked in to the their office, (a secret location on the corner of 1st and 3rd east in Provo) I immediately sensed the essence of creativity and genius. When I met Richard (yes we are on a first name basis) he was caring a baseball bat, which was needles to say a little intimidating.

We talked business for a few minutes and after I told him that his caring a baseball bat was reminiscent of Tom Cruise in The Firm. He said, "Oh yeah? Well it reminds me of The Untouchables, where Capone it to bash someone in the head."

That ended that.

2007-12-12T12:48:00.000-08:00

Well, to be completely honest, I have no idea why I'm doing this other than the fact that my blog looks cool and everyone seems to have one. In addition, most bloggers do not publicly announce that they have a blog, which seems weird but also makes sense. I will join the hoard of anonymous and silent bloggers who day after day fight the battle of the mundane and humdrum by sharing their stories with the rest of the world. I hope that this blog can be somewhat entertaining and mostly fun. Here goes.....